Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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