i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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