So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
