she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
