Who wears a wallet chain?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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