The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
