and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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