She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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