I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
