and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
