wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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