My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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