this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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