I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
