Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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