she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
