I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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