That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
