I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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