One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
