I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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