We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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