I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
