I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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