I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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