Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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