I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
