but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
