what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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