And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize