You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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