I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
