4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
