the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
