1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
