she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
