PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
