Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
