it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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