4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
