This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
