good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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