So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
