So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
