My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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