I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
