no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
