either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need moral support for this bender
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
