and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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