I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
