The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
