Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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