Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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