why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize