he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
