Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So many bounce houses so little time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
