What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
