Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
