6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready