Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.