Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.