a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
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Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.