i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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