well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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