For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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