yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
