God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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