fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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