Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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