very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
