Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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