Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
