i just had sex bonerless
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
