How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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