Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
