i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
