my phone needs a breathalizer
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
