the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
