there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
