The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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