I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
