we have officially lost it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
