"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
